Monkey, Spanking, get it?

So, welcome to the Happy Monkey. If you read the title and you're reading this now you may have some idea what I'm talking about. If not, then you're either a monkey enthusiast or someone who thinks a hundred days without a spanking is a good thing and this is certainly not the place for you, freak.

Here's the deal: I was once a very dedicated student of Kung Fu in a far off place called Philadelphia, the "ph" is pronounced like an "f," (it took me a while to get that right, too, so don't feel bad about yourself). While studying this ancient art, my grandmaster, Sigung, would visit our school occasionally and offer the students tidbits of information about how to increase our qi. One he says to us "Women are bad for qi. When you (at this point he moved his hands limply in the vicinity of his cock) with a woman, it's bad for your qi." Intrigued, we all listened intently. "If you go 100 days without (limp hand movement), then your qi will be..." as he made a fist and held it up, shaking it. So my buddy John pipes right up and says "but you can (limp hand movement) by yourself, right?" Sigung looked at him with more disappointment than I've ever seen on a Chinese man's face and said, "No" and walked away. The lesson was over.

I've tried lots of the exercises that Sigung recommended and the results ranged from pain to diarrhea, but I never gave the 100 day challenge much thought, that is until this winter. At the moment I have no girlfriend, no willing partner for intercourse, and no prospects. Since I have never idolized Ben Roethlisberger enough to follow college girls into bathrooms and "wrestle" with them, I figured now would be as good a time as any to embark on a a strange metaphorical journey involving me not traveling anywhere. Instead, my quest will be to navigate the sands of time, one day at a time, never busting a nut for 100 days, hence the title of this blog: The Happy Monkey: 100 Days without a Spanking.

My plan is not to report every day in the 100, but rather to post when interesting things happen to me (that are relevant to the overabundance of semen that will develop in my crotchal region). To add to my motivation, a friend (really a well-wisher, insofar as he does not wish any specific harm on me), who we shall call "Sunshine," has challenged me to go the full 100 days. Should I cross that finish line without spilling my man-seed, I will have earned a bottle of the finest $10 whiskey in the state of Florida.I look forward to the hangover I will certainly suffer from drinking such fine spirits!

And now as this inaugural post draws to a close, I give you my count: 17 days without a male orgasm (note: It would be 27 days, but I lost the will to not crank one, well three, out so I had to start over).

This is Danny Hammer signing off.

P.S. This may be the hardest thing I have ever done and I'm not sure what that says about me.