3 is Prime, 11 is Prime, 33 is not so Prime

Well, douche fucks, I'm 33 days in, more irritable than ever, and happy (happy being a euphemism for incredibly frustrated). While there have been no more misfires (since that last leg-gluing extravaganza), I have begun to experience the fastest erections I could have imagined. I was sitting at the Chik-fila (sponsorship?) down the street, enjoying my tasty chicken sandwich, when a beam of sunlight struck my crotch and immediately a skin rocket launched in my pants. Like I said, no more misfires, so we're good there. Just the same, I went to my friendly neighborhood porn and sex toy shop  and picked up a bottle of what was labeled Pro-Longer. Guess what it does. That's right, Erection Bat, this stuff makes you not shoot your load so quick. Crisis averted.

Today's obstacle report is brought to you by (here's a good spot for some lucky business to sponsor me). Day 33 Obstacle 1: Sexy Catholic Church Imagery. I spent ten years in Catholic schools asking uncomfortable questions, swearing, and fistfighting at recess. All we had were two nuns that combined had live something like 350 years. One of them was a cyborg, too, well that might be overstating it- she had prosthetic body parts, more each year. The other one was just angry ALL THE TIME. What made things worse, was my family, good Italians that they are, felt like they needed to befriend every stray penguin that came walking out of the convent at the end of the block (penguin, slang for nun, get it? No, uncle pedo, the priests were not in your club.) Our nuns were the meanest old ladies you could ever meet, and they hit me a lot, with rulers and chalkboard erasers and one time a plastic leg (I totally deserved that one). We had nothing even approaching the level of hotness portrayed in this picture of

what could become my only reason for going back to church. Not to mention this picture, NIPPLES. I don't remember why I was looking at religious images, but, wait- it was when I was looking for that picture of Vin Diesel as "The Good Priest," what an ass. Anyway, Nipples. I really like how she looks like she's about to say something. Unfortunately, I woudn't be able to hear anything she might say over the sound of her glass cutters etching themselves on my cock's memory. And while we're discussing that picture, let's talk about the next obstacle, Day 33 Obstacle 2: Cartoon Character Fan Art. Fan art, or fa'nart as I like to say it, is what you get when a lonely post-high-school boy with some unused artistic ability starts thinking dirty, dirty thoughts about his video games, his older brother's favorite cartoon, and his little sister's favorite movies and jerks off just before he draws the thing he was thinking about. The file name on the Nipple-nun over there is ariel_halloween.some shit. Ariel is the little mermaid's name (connection!). Since the first appearance of a part woman part sea creature in the Odyssey (Sirens, Richard), mermaids have always represented a kind of dangerous hotness you only get to see nowadays in certain neighborhoods in Miami, Brooklyn, and wherever Sarah Palin goes. Just to be clear, though, the little mermaid was a round-edged cartoon with a happy ending. I would seriously consider cutting fingers off to get a happy ending from the mermaid in this picture. Check out the rest of the hot Disney pieces of ass in the collection. The art is pretty good and I love upskirt pictures (Alice in Wonderland). Fa'nart doesn't stop there, no, no, no, no. Check out this pic of Velma from Scooby Doo. Who doesn't like a little underboob with a side of unsuspecting look on her face? Nobody. It's awesome. And, last and the very least in this collection of sexy cartoons, Princess Peach from the Super Mario Bros. series. Girls putting their stockings on, or taking them off (unless you're one of the fucking weirdos with the silk stockings fetish) are super fucking hot. That's why you pigs are seeing this particular image. There's a collection of different sexy Princess Peach images out there somewhere, but the mongrels who like to draw this bitch don't have anywhere near the artistic prowess of the Disney Princesses whores art or even the understated style of the Velma piece, so you can find those yourself, ass clown.

Listen up, fuckers: that's going to wrap up this post. I dig cartoon chicks sometimes, sometimes I like smacking my cock against the keyboard  to see what he types and then I send those messages to my friends (and once to my father because he was pissing me off so fucking much). The thought of people's eyes moving along cock-typed messages that I "composed" makes me laugh like a mother fucker. And believe me, mother fuckers laugh A LOT. A lot.

Keep your eyes open and watch out for a post coming soon about a test of my resolve. It might be really big challenge to the project, or it could just be some chick writing checks with her mouth that her vagina can't cash (Is it weird that that last line got me hard? Like really hard, hang a beach towel on my erection hard. Maybe it's weird, maybe you should check your email, Steve.).

Gratuitous hardcore porn image. Do not click on this at work, Sunshine.

Only two obstacles today because, because that's just what you get. Jeez. You are very demanding at times, did you know that?

Danny Hammer signing off. Bitch.