35 is a Really Good Number

35 days into this ridiculous challenge and I'm starting to hallucinate. Not the kind of sex-involved, stripper-esque hallucinations you might think I'd be experiencing, no, stupid pot smoking conspiracy theorist hallucinations. It feels like there are people waiting around the corner to jump me, like people in authority are conspiring against me, and like friends are preparing to betray me. All that being said, everyone who knows about the 100 days of no-stroking have been super supportive.

So, what do you think? Obstacles? Un-obstacles? How about one of each? Holy shit, uncle pedo, shut the fuck up. According to Penis Whale, I never posted anything about... Day 35 Obstacle 1: The Hot Chick Behind the Counter at Panera. So I'm there one day and I see this girl wearing a black polo shirt, ribbon in her hair holding her pony tail in back and to the side slightly. She looks like she could either be vaguely Hispanic or Israeli, either way I really want to see her tits - they are beautiful. She looks a little young, which isn’t surprising since she’s working at a “restaurant" during the day when real people are doing things that matter to other real people. Let’s be honest, she’s working the counter, not even baking the bread. I have some work for her. Knights of Columbus! Now she’s talking about how she had to take a shot and have a couple drinks to get in a good mood. Do I have a type or what? (shut up Christine, keep reading).

Day 35 Obstacle 2: Allison Brie and Gillian Jacobs almost kissing. That cute, hot girl with the amazing rack from Community (and that period drama abortion Mad Men) almost kisses the slutty hot girl from community (whose boobs are right here). What else do I need to say “Schwing?!?” Shut the fuck up.

Day 35 Un-obstacle 1: This ridiculous dog face web page. You move your pointer across the screen and the dog face follows it. I spent so fucking much time playing with this bullshit thing that I thought I was retarded stoned. I mean I was 3 minutes away from trying to hump a doorknob (If you can dodge a wrench you can dodge a ball).

Day 35 Obstacle 3: Jwow. I mean shit. I fucking hate the Jersey Shore mongoloids more than anyone I have ever met, but I'll stare at pictures of Jwow for days. FOR DAYS. I found this picture with a few more in a gallery called "Jwow Wears a See-through Dress" over on What Would Tyler Durden Do. Instant erection. I completely understand that her tits are fake and her voice would make me wish I was listening to nails on chalkboard instead of the inane word vomit falling from her lips, but I'd fuck her until chafing occurred, on my cock. Between her and the broad behind the counter at the Panera I frequent, raw chicken, at the wishbone end, just seems goofy.

Day 35 Un-obstacle 2: Powerthirst. (Haha, see what I did? Obstacles and Un-obstacles woven together! Oh yeah, well, go shit in a hat.) Watch and enjoy, you fucker. The first time I watched this fucking thing it was all I could do to muster up a preposterous response, a preposteronse, if you will.

So, that ends this little jaunt through my mind. My balls are huge. Just saying.

Stay tuned.

Danny Hammer signing off.