Day 49: Tattoo Post

Well, chuckles, it's day 49. That means that I am just shy of halfway across the abyss of time that is the 100 Days without Spankings. Ugh. Only another 51 days to go (I can do math, too, Monkey Boner. You always be frontin' like I don't be knowin' shit.) That being said, this challenge is a stupid idea.

This post will eventually turn to (wait for it...) an extended critique of some the worst tattoo ideas EVER. Before we get to that, I would like to add an idiom to your collective lexicons (lexicon means dictionary, uncle pedo). "Low hanging fruit" is the term. Generally, this term is used in reference to the easy option, a task so easy to complete that you won't have to put that much effort into it. I would like to offer another option for it's meaning that is somewhat more relevant to the purpose and oeuvre of this blog (uncle pedo, you're gonna have to look that one up for yourself, you degenerate). "Low hanging fruit" is what I like to call the attractive party girl who, as long as you either time it right or put in enough time while drinking with her, you'll totally be able to bang her out at the end of the night. You might recognize this definition of the term from the popular television show, The Jersey Shore, as all girls from New Jersey are in fact low hanging fruit.  The first image, a hot piece of ass shaking her shit for the heavybrowed neanderthals is in fact a girl I would identify as low hanging fruit. One of those lucky date rapists is totally going to get his balls cleaned by her ass cheeks as he jack hammers her unconscious, drunk vagina. Imagine, if you will, that the chick in the pink tank top is an after picture, taken just before what the crime lab would call "the rape." Just some fun with terms for you, you savages.

Day #49 Worst Idea for a Tattoo EVER #1: Anyone's name that is not your child. I totally understand the desire to immortalize your children by injecting ink into your own skin. I think it's even more appropriate if a mother's tattoo of her child's name is either on her tits or just above her vagina. Classy. However, if any girl that I'm dating ever decided to tattoo my name on her body anywhere, I would run screaming away from that cunt, boobs, and the woman as a whole (or hole, lol, get it? Fuck off.) Even worse than someone else's name on your own body is your own name on your own body. I used to work with this girl who was really, really, very attractive who had her own name tattooed to where you would usually see a tramp stamp. If you live the kind of life that requires you permanently emblazon your name on your back for any onlooker to see, you really need to reconsider how you move through your days. This dumb twat went as far as to tattoo "My name is" in addition to just her name, and she did it so you could read it while filling her out like a check from both ends (like a pair of goddamn Chinese fingercuffs).

Day #49 Worst Idea for a Tattoo EVER #2: Face Tattoos of Any Kind. Mike Tyson was sceduled to fight Lenox Lewis a few years ago and he went crazier as a shit house rat. At a press conference, he told a female reporter that would fuck her until she loved him, told Lewis that he was going to step on his 5 year old son's testicles, and that he was going to kill everyone. That. Was. Hilarious (Nick Canon). What was crazy was he got a tribal face tattoo like a week before the fight. That's just bad planning. This lovely girl not only got a name tattoo, her name I can only hope, but she stuck that name to her face. What a fucking dumbass. Now the only employment options she's going to have is porn star, fluffer, or camera operator. I'd bang her. I would definitely face bang her and shoot Hammer cream all over that Catherine on her cheek. I do so love chicks with tattoos that aren't my name.

That's going to be all for this post. I have a shit ton more tattoos to talk shit about, but I'll hold off for just a little while. Bee tee dubs (text to speak, look that up) I definitely got a new tattoo. It took 5 and a half hours and it's not finished yet but it still kicks your tattoo's ass. In fact my tattoo donkey punches your tattoo every night before it goes to bed, so if you've been wondering why your tattoo hasn't been sleeping all that well, that's why. Here is a gratuitous picture of a hot, well inked piece of ass.

Danny Hammer signing off, jerk weed.

P.S. Wolfman's got nards.